Toxic Relationships: When Connection Starts to Harm
A healthy, secure relationship should make you feel safe and cared for. However, a relationship won’t feel nourishing or steady sometimes. Instead, it drains, confuses, or hurts. This is described as a toxic relationship. It’s a pattern that develops over time and goes beyond just conflict or having a bad day.
What Is a Toxic Relationship?
A toxic relationship is characterized by a series of detrimental behaviors that harm one’s mental and/or physical health. The dynamic of a toxic relationship often involves manipulation, control, and emotional abuse, all of which lead to feelings of low self-esteem and insecurity. A toxic relationship is not necessarily defined by occasional arguments or misalignments between one another. One person’s needs, emotions, or power often outweigh the other’s, leaving them feeling small and unheard. Furthermore, this could also lead someone to feel constantly on edge and unsure of themselves.
Individuals in toxic relationships often describe it as feeling stuck in a bubble of self-doubt. The relationship may make it hard to trust your own perceptions and judgments due to constant fluctuations in emotions. This could include instability in closeness and connection along with pain derived from numerous fights. You may find yourself constantly adjusting, apologizing, or changing yourself in an attempt to save your relationship while the relationship itself never truly feels safe or stable.
What Causes Toxic Relationships?
There’s rarely one single cause that leads to a toxic relationship. The toxicity in these relationships often grows from a mix of various factors such as personal habits, unmet needs, bad communication, selfishness, unhealthy behaviors, and more. Here is a brief list of some common causes:
- Power dynamic imbalances – One person dominates decisions, emotions, control, and/or boundaries.
- Poor communication – Feelings are dismissed and/or used as weapons, and there’s a lack of understanding.
- Emotional manipulation – Guilt, blame, and/or fear are used to maintain control and proximity.
- Unresolved trauma – Past wounds shape present behavior and make you feel limited in your choices and freedom.
- Lack of accountability – Harmful actions are denied, minimized, or repeated without taking accountability.
These dynamics can develop slowly, which makes them difficult to recognize until they feel too overwhelming.
What It Looks Like in Everyday Life
Toxic relationships could present as love, loyalty, or “just how things are” on the surface. They may show up as:
- Feeling anxious or tense around the other person
- Walking on eggshells to avoid conflict
- Constant self-doubt or questioning your reality
- Not feeling supported
- Cycles of hurt followed by brief moments of closeness
- Difficulty imagining an independent life outside of the relationship
From the outside, it can look like overreacting or being too sensitive. From the inside, it can feel confusing, heavy, and isolating.
What Can Help
Healing doesn’t start with blame. It starts with awareness and support. These steps can help you regain clarity and strength:
- Name the pattern – Understanding the issue is relational, not a personal failure.
- Reconnect with yourself – Journaling, therapy, or quiet reflection can rebuild trust in your feelings.
- Set boundaries – Even small ones can restore a sense of safety and agency.
- Seek support – Trusted friends, support groups, or professionals can help you feel less alone.
- Go gently – Leaving or changing a toxic relationship is often a process, not a single decision.
Healthy relationships don’t require you to disappear to keep the peace.
How ShareWell Supports People Navigating Toxic Relationships
At ShareWell, we understand how isolating toxic relationships can feel. Our peer support spaces are designed to offer connection without judgment. We provide places where your experiences are taken seriously and your emotions are respected.
Through facilitated group sessions and shared presence, members find validation, grounding, and perspective. You don’t have to explain away your pain or minimize your story. You’re allowed to take up space exactly as you are.
Because healing from a toxic relationship isn’t about becoming stronger overnight. It’s about being supported while you remember who you are.
At ShareWell, we believe relationships should help you grow, not shrink. And you deserve a connection that feels safe, steady, and real.
Read more about toxic relationships: Toxic Relationship Signs.
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