I have endured so much, not that I want anyone to say woe is me. Childhood abuse in the worst ways that one can imagine. I have lived a pretty much normal life, through it all. Until diagnosed with fibromyalgia in 1999, a disease no one believes is real, this plays with my head. I got divorced in 2002 and my world fell apart. Fast forward to 2016 I lost my fiance in my living room after he took one breath and died. As I watch for 27 minutes they beat on his chest and many many shots. This now has left me with PTSD and severe panic attacks. I have not had very much luck meeting men so that what is holding me down now. I know that the man I just broke up with is a narcissist he plays with my mind and leaves me broken. I am a mess and cry at every single stupid thing. I hate how weak I am. I have had a very successful career in the law field and it bothers me I can't move from my situation.